ugh..where to start.

good news or ...

...:  My throat hurts and eyes sting.  I went to First Care today and found out I have sinusitus.  I'm taking an antibiotic now and ibuprofen. 

Last night, I felt like quiting my job because I'd rather focus on my Wedding Photography because it would be better income, more fulfilling, more exciting, more fun, etc. 

Things are happening that are making me unreliable at that job too.  Like the second night I was there, I had to leave early because I had to take my son to the ER because he was vomiting and not doing well in general. (I gave a drs note)

Then I had to take another son to Urgent care because he was sick during the day and I couldn't schedule a day appointment. (I gave another Drs note.)

Then I just asked for two days off the last time the schedule was made (which is reasonable because I planned it well) because my daughter is "graduating" preschool and she is having an end of the year party and I need to go a meet a group of photographers for the first time so we can support each other. 

Then I was scheduled for a day I normally don't work and had to ask it off because I forgot when I said that I could do it that it was the actual graduation ceremony.  (I don't want work to ever get in the way of my kid's memories.) 

And even though I've only been to work 22 days, I have made a few big mistakes in the last two.  I needed to keep track of ordering enough food and I lost track of it and customers had to wait for about 15 minutes!  (I'm normally not absent minded, but I'm having my fourth period after two years and it is so hard to stay focused.  I'm not cramping or having much if any pain.  It's just like, I know what to do and I try my best, but I still miss it.  Also my emotions are crazy!  If someone says something it's been hard to separate the truth from my negative interpretation right now.  (I haven't been on a roller coaster much, but definetly know that I have to be self controlled!)

Then today I had to go to First Care and I have a drs work release form to give them the next time I show up at work.  I was scheduled to work tonight and I couldn't.

I was planning to tell my manager that it just isn't working out for me today, but she was so busy.

I would like to give her my "two weeks" but wonder if they really want me for that much longer since I'm holding up the line for the last two days and haven't been very available. 

Truthfully, I never want to go back!  Maybe just to eat!

I was kind of excited this morning when I felt so much pain in my throat and ears and eyes, even though I prayed for the pain to leave me!

Tomorrow, I set up an interview with a Wedding Consultant in Dublin, Ohio.  I want to honor those in the Wedding industry and have a place on my website that clients could find other vendors and their thoughts.  I also have the Photographer's meeting in Dublin.  I really hope I can go.  My gas tank is almost empty and it's an hour away!  I'm praying that money will show up in the mail.  I'm feeling better and by the time of the meetings, I will have had an antibiotic in my for 24 hours, so I won't be contagious.  My hubby need to do some lawn work tomorrow and if he is too tired or sore from working outdoors, it may be too challenging for him to care for the kids.   My mother-in-law fell hard on the conrete yesterday (thankfully no broken bones, just bruises) so she can't help because she is still recovering.  (I'm thinking about my options now...do I have any friends that would want to care for them tomorrow night?  Do I have any friends who want to loan my money?  I get paid Friday and hopefully my stimulus check will be in the mail too!  

I'm kind of concerned because I don't want to cancel my interview with the consultant because I hope this relationship will bring me business too.  I don't want to be labeled "unreliable"!  The mail comes at 11 ish.  I hope that isn't too late to cancel a 5pm meeting, if there is no money in the mail.

(Ok,,,I'm gonna pray!  Lord, I surrender.  If you want me to go, please make a way and if not help me gracefully reschedule.)

I've contacted a local photographer about getting together and the initial conversation was so amazing.  She said that she was looking for local photogs to network with and so I said that I would call the next week since she was busy that week.  I wanted to call but my phone was disconnected and so when I did have access to a phone it was at weird hours.  I just started my job and so I was tired.  I tried getting her on her blog, but no reply.  I even went to visit the studio two times, but there was construction work being done on the side walk!  Ugh!  On Monday night I tried direct e-mail.  I haven't seen anything in my account yet.  Maybe I should try calling again.

Good News:  Man after writing about all that it is exhausting to even think about good news.

I don't know why since there is no concrete proof of what will happen but I am so excited!  I have so much hope for what my husband's about to start and for my business.  He has sent in a proposal to Job and Family services to work along side them to develop the people in the community so they can get jobs and keep them.  July 1st is when we will hear back from them if they want to use Jim.  In the meantime he is doing yard work and caring for the kids at night when I work at Chipotle.

I plan on targeting the high end market for Wedding Photography because I believe that I will not have to endure any loss of business if the middle class can't afford $3000 to $5000 for a wedding any more since things are looking grim for the average person (high gas prices, high everything prices, lol).  My goal to reach this 2% of all clients is to focus on referals from high end Wedding consultants, getting published in high end Wedding magazines, making my website functional and beautiful and doing quality work!   

I've been focusing on what the goals or purpose for my business will be lately.  I've been thinking about my side of things right now:  I want this to be a business that helps my family and doesn't hinder it.  Like I want to do Destination Weddings, but realize if I'm away from my family so much I can't support Jim or spend that quality time with my kids.  So for me, I feel peaceful about limiting myself to two destination weddings a year.  I could either have my husband come with me and have our kids cared for by family and close friends and we finally enjoy a honeymoon, or the family could come and it's a family vacation when I'm not working or I go solo and have me time so I can be energized to be the amazing mom and wife that I long to be when I get home.  If I only did two, I could see those as realistic plans, but if I did more:  my husband can't get off work that much, it would be a stress on him if he had to care for the kids all the time, my kids might feel like they aren't as important as my work, I'd be tired from all the traveling. etc.

Also, I want to focus on being a mom until my kids go to bed and I can focus on editing photos, marketing, and reading forums for photographers.  So, if I planned on having no more than one wedding a month, I think that could be realistic. 

So, now I'm dreaming of getting an income of anywhere from $6,000 to $50,000 per wedding.  I could do so much with that!